I’ve heard too many women say, “I’m not divorcing. I’m “safe” because he hasn’t hit me. I don’t need a Safety Plan.” — Until HE changes the situation, and they DO! And then they are trying to play catch up, during an even more stressful or traumatic time.
On this site I share so much about the trauma healing process. But before that can happen, other foundations must be laid. You can’t heal while you are still in the traumatic situation. The most important, first layer of the foundation, is Safety! The first step in any dangerous or destructive situation is to get as safe as possible. For those still in a destructive/abusive marriage, that includes creating a Safety Plan.
It’s been almost 10 years since I began the journey out of his destruction, abuse and adultery, and began my path to being Freely Whole. I’d never heard of a Safety Plan (nor had any other divorce info) when I started my journey. Over this past decade, not only was I educated in real life/real time, but I also linked arms with many other advocates, trained under fantastic abuse and trauma informed coaches and therapists, read thousands of articles and books, and worked closely with hundreds of abuse survivors.
What I found was many different Safety Plans, with varying info. I was mashing together many resources to cover what survivor sisters needed in this area. I wanted something more comprehensive, so I wouldn’t have to send clients to several different resources to get the full info. That can be exhausting to say the least. “Go to these 6 links, and…” I very well know the overwhelmed mind, and very little time those in survival mode have. I also knew that compiling it all into one place could look overwhelming, so it needed to be formatted for ease–and survivor sisters encouraged to take it one step at a time. I spent years meshing those 2 together, comprehensive but not overwhelming. I have sat on the finished version, only sharing it privately, for almost a year. But it is time. I hope you find it helpful!
Key Points!
- *Don’t be overwhelmed and not start!
- *Don’t look at one item, and say “I can’t do that”, so you stop and do nothing.
- *And definitely don’t think, “I don’t plan to leave or divorce” so this doesn’t pertain to me.
- *If you are in any kind of marriage that is not loving, caring, and stable, you NEED this!
- *You are not the only one in control, that determines whether you stay together–in the same house, or as married.
- *Do it sooner, rather than later!
- *Be prepared! If your marriage is not “that bad” and you never need it, nothing is lost. You will just have important things well organized.
For posting this document here on the site, I’m breaking it down into separate articles for specific pieces. But the full document is available to download for Free, so you can have it all together, and use it as a Checklist. Because this resource is so important, and because your safety (and therefore anonymity may be) important, you are not required to create an account or log in, or subscribe to this site to download it. Just click the link below.
And/or go to the next article in this series, for Part 1.