Safety–Exit Plan (Part 3)

The following is the first part in a series of articles that are each segments from the Freely Whole Safety–Exit Plan. The entire formatted, as checklists, document can be downloaded for Free here. I’ve broken it into parts for posting as articles. Part 1 can be read here.

Safety and Exit Plan Part 3

Safety and Security Considerations

When you need to do each these things may differ, depending on your situation, and legal advice for it. But do them as soon as you can–safely and legally.

• Safety and Security Considerations

• *Mail: Consider getting a PO Box, or at least having important or sensitive mail sent to a safe, secure friend’s address, if possible.  Or consider Address Confidentiality if you’re living away from him and in danger.

• *Phone: Lock down your phone’s security and privacy. Print a copy of important contacts and numbers. Consider getting a burner phone and keeping it in your Go Bag. Most of us don’t like to think that there’s a chance of him taking our phone or hacking it. But it happens too often.

• *Accounts: Secure a print copy of account numbers and passwords, especially for financial accounts. Consider your own safety deposit box in a bank not connected to him, for safeguarding sensitive documents and possessions, or at least store them in a secure location off-site.

• *Change account passwords (to something he won’t guess). Add 2 step verification. Don’t use real life security answers. 
• *Get a new email address. Send copies of important emails and screenshots of other important info to it, and then delete those from your sent file and trash on current email. 

• *Financial accounts: Get at least one Credit Card and Bank account in your name only. Preferably at a different bank than his or your joint accounts. 
• *If you are still married, you can apply for a credit card in your name only, using his income included in household income, but not adding him on the account or as a user. Keep cards and info for these in a secure place, sign up for no regular mail (except sending you your cards to a secure address), only emails to your new secure email address.

• *Emergency Cash on Hand: Stored in safe, accessible location, preferably off-site, if living in the same home or he has access to your home. 
• *In community property states you can legally take half of all funds in joint checking and savings, financial accounts. (Check with your attorney.) Either of you can close those joint accounts, at any time taking all the money. If he does you may never recover your 1/2. 

• *Stash Cash: Get cash back or add gift cards onto purchases, like groceries or gas, perhaps $20 at a time. Use cards/accounts that give points to redeem for cash back. Declutter your home and sell items you don’t use and stash the cash from selling those. Use this stash cash for necessities as you’re getting out or paying your attorney. (Any left is expected to be disclosed during divorce process.)

• *Safe word. For your use with safe friends, and/or for your kids with you.

• *Computer/Devices: Consider getting new if able. Change accounts and/or passwords, like Apple ID. Turn off family sharing/tracking. Change all online accounts passwords. Clear internet history, every time. Set up new tracking with a safe friend or family member, if needed. Consider using an off-site computer for extremely sensitive info/searches—a friend’s or at a library.

• *Lock down privacy settings on all devices.
• *Lock down privacy settings on all social media and other online accounts.
• *Don’t post anything sensitive or damaging on social media, and delete what already may be there. Utilize unfriend and block as needed for unsafe connections.
• *Permanently delete any sensitive info, including any account and password change notifications that come to your old email account, and empty the Trash. 
• *Copy and secure any info of his that you have access to that will be needed for court. (In case he tries to hide or deny.)

• *Vehicle: Back-in to park, if possible. Always keep locked. Full tank of gas. Check for any tracking devices.

• *Weapons: Lock guns and ammo separately. Take off-site, if necessary. 

• *Lock on bedroom door. Phone always at hand.

• *Off-site storage: Consider getting a storage unit for safekeeping of items you are able to discreetly remove and want to keep, especially if you’ll be moving out. Documents/copies, photos and memorabilia.
• *Stock up on food dry goods/non-perishables, paper and cleaning products, etc. (Do this even if you plan on staying in the home and keep them there. If you won’t/may not be staying in the home, put these in your storage unit or at a friend’s.)

• *Separate Financial Accounts: The timing for when you do this may vary. Some can be done before you separate, others will be done during the divorce/separation settlement process. It’s possible that some can’t be closed until after the divorce is final or the account is paid off. It’s likely that you will have a “freeze” on purchasing anything outside of the regular, normal everyday expenditures as soon as you file, especially using marital funds/joint accounts. My attorney told me to pay anything I wanted to keep, and to separate remaining accounts (close joint accounts) right after I filed and had temporary hearing. Yours may advise differently, but these will need to be done at some point.

• *Close joint bank accounts as soon as they’re no longer needed for joint bills, ie. finances are separated. 
• *Close joint credit card accounts that have no balance right away. Remove him as user on any account that you are primary. (I also had credit card company issue me a new card with a new number, as he tried to commit fraud with my account. It was an account he had been authorized user on but I had removed him.) Joint cards with balances may be assigned to one or the other of you to pay off and then close. Neither of you should continue using those joint cards, once you are in divorce process, unless attorneys/courts say otherwise.
• *Personal joint loans (including car loans) may remain in both names until paid off, or may need to be paid off immediately after divorce, refinancing if necessary. 

• *Separate all other online accounts that you share. This can usually be done sooner than the above financial accounts (except the paid off credit cards). Streaming services, back up/cloud storage services, Amazon/Audible accounts. Take into consideration who primarily uses the account, if possible, and remove the other person (if possible) and change password (and user name if possible.) Otherwise close the account and you each get your own new one. Streaming services and such are easy to just get your own new account. Things like cloud storage, Kindle, Audible, music services, etc may have many of your personal digital purchases connected to it, and may be trickier if you both have things in the account that can’t be transferred.

• *Change emergency contact. (To a close, trusted, safe family member if possible.) 

• *Change beneficiaries on insurance policies, investments, wills, power of attorney, etc. Check with attorney as to when you can do this. I was able to as soon as I filed for the divorce.

Go to Free Download for full document, or Part 4 of this article series.

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Living Coram Deo & freely whole
SDG!
~ Liberty—Life Restoration & Soul Transforming Creativity Coach

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