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Thank you, Patrick! Excellent assessment of this book.In the new book “Married Sex” by Gary Thomas, the intended reader, frankly, has to be an emotional man-child, whose underdeveloped brain is incapable of serving God, being a good parent, having ambition, taking out the garbage, being a good husband or managing his outlook on life, unless he is given the proper amount of sex...Well, ladies let me ask you...how much sex does it take to stop an abuser from abusing, to make an immature husband grow up, to make a cheating husband stop cheating, to make a bad or abusive father be a good father, to make an irresponsible husband be a responsible husband, or to take your husbands faithfulness and obedience to God to a 10? Because apparently, according to this book written by and for Christians, the amount of sex you give a man determines the kind of man you have. What happened to the Ephesians 5:25-33 husband? And if sex is the magic pill for men, then what pray tell is the magic pill for women — or is their reward burping their man-child? And what about the singles...are they incapable of functioning, thriving and maturity due to their sexless existence?
This is not only an insult to men whose brains aren’t in their pants, I’ll assure you that this is dangerous and unbiblical advice for women, couples and sex. Our identity is in Christ, not our pants or sex. This book lacks the clarity and caution that is needed to discourage abuse and hold a man responsible for his behavior. Any amount of sex for the purpose of subduing or taming a negligent, malignant man-child is too much. There is no amount of sex that will “fix” an abuser, a predator, a monster or a narcissistic man-child. Many abusers have sex with their mate, binge on porn and cheat — so clearly sex isn’t the answer for a maladjusted man-child. This false messaging gives the twisted mind silent permission to blame all of his shortcomings on his wife if he’s not having sex 20 times per week (or any number of times). Such a man is not sent by God and is not worthy of your pearls. A Godly relationship is not a sex or pornography addicts refuge.
Sex is wonderful, sex is beautiful, sex as often as a couple mutually enjoys is their right. But do not accept the false and dangerous notion that God assigned you to tame a sex crazed man-child, or believe if you are unable to have sex 5 times a day, 7 days a week, sick or sleep, pregnant or in pain, tired or traumatized, abused or beaten, you’re the blame for your husbands bad behavior.
This entire book, on so many levels and in so many ways, is silent permission for an abuser to justify their narcissistic, barbaric thinking. We must hold Christian books to a higher standard. The author claims this book is for healthy couples, but no book can limit or control who reads it and therefore, the Christian author, church leader, is responsible for protecting the sheep.
My purpose is not to judge either Gary or his faith. I don’t dislike Gary Thomas, the book is bad — for a reason. It’s an abusers manifesto, a man-child’s bottle and an abuse victims worst nightmare...and I don’t think Gary considered that before this book was released. I’m strictly speaking about the book, its words and the fact that if anybody reads this book with an awareness of the domestic violence epidemic, they would be horrified. The church, in general, has perpetuated silent suffering, and misogynistic, patriarchal abuse. We know too much, and we aught to know better than to allow a book this irresponsible to be on Christian bookshelves.
If he hits you... That’s a sin.It’s not “excusable.”
It’s not “understandable.”
And nothing you did makes it “justifiable.”
#DV #DV2021 #DVam #DVawareness #enditnow #metoo #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #emotionalabuse #domesticviolenceawareness #abuse #narcissisticabuse #survivor #toxicrelationships #gaslighting #ptsd #healing #sociopath #love #mentalhealth #trauma #divorce #narcissism #domesticviolencesurvivor #women #toxicpeople #psychologicalabuse #abusiverelationship
“If you care about your kids, you don’t abuse their mother. If you care about your kids, you can tell that abusing their mother is horrible for them.”- Lundy Bancroft
While some children never directly see or hear abuse, they are always affected by a partner’s abusive and harmful behaviors.
It can be difficult to accept that the abusive partner’s behavior can have deeply painful effects on children, but it is essential that victims learn the truth and become empowered to help their children cope and heal.
Stage Four in Healing from Hidden Abuse is "Boundaries." This stage of recovery is where real freedom begins. Both Detached Contact and No Contact lead to healing and to the next stage, Restoration. Exposed Contact only leads to more harm.(this is a public page, not a group)