One certainly doesn’t need to be in this same situation to have concerns about finances and provision. This struggle began at the fall of mankind, and continues for most people over time and place. But for the women I work with, Christian women who are primarily lifelong stay-at-home-moms, going through lifesaving divorces and healing from abuse—usually including financial abuse, that concern, even fear, for financial provision is strong.
It was my greatest fear when I went through such; that my children and I would starve to death in a broken down trailer on the edge of town. The stories fear tells you can be very specific. Divorce from an abuser is very hard, and even though it puts distance between you and them, it doesn’t stop all forms of abuse. It also doesn’t automatically and immediately put you, a lifelong SAHM, in a new position of being able to be the sole breadwinner, on less than minimum wage, for all of your and your children’s needs.
Your world is dark, hard, and confusing as you walk through a situation you never wanted, wondering how you’re going to survive.
On this faith art journal page, I wanted to convey that darkness—that rocky hardness of every unsure step—that tangle of confusion, disorientation, and distress of not knowing what the next step is or where it will lead. That lack.
As a Christian, you know God is our Provider, but you’ve lived your whole life under a lack of provision, and now finances needed for survival taken. The devourer constantly working to destroy you. Also, all trust has been shattered. Can you trust anyone? Even God, who you know you can, but… “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” These are daily—minute by minute thoughts.
But God! One of my favorite phrases always.
YHWH Jireh. The God Who provides.
The One Who provided manna in the desert.
The One Who provided the sacrificial ram on the mountain.
The One Who provided oil and/or flour continuously, several times throughout Scripture.
The One Who multiplied the loaves and the fishes on the hillside.
The One Who teaches us to pray, Give us this day, our daily bread.
As I meditated for this make, my mind went to each of these incidents of God’s provision, just as it has repeatedly in my post-divorce journey, but particularly to the telling of the loaves and fishes event. Financial abuse didn’t end with divorce, and monthly, sometimes daily, I prayed, God how am I going to make it. Please provide for our every need. You’re all we have. Support always in grievous arrears. No donors or benefactors. No anonymous checks in the mail. (Though very grateful for the couple of small gifts over those years.) Just me with my need and my great YHWH Jireh. And every month, every bill was paid in full, every need (not want) was met, many times to the dollar and on the day. Over time, my house was paid off. My car paid off. I’ve had no credit card debt since the day I left. Something never seen, nor ever would have been, in the abusive marriage.
My God has supplied all my need. My daily bread. He has multiplied my meager “loaves and fishes” that I’ve offered to him, and met every need. I and my children have never gone a day without food, clothing, and shelter. I live a frugal life; I don’t have extras; but what I have is mine, free and clear. Provided by YHWH Jireh. Day by day.
As you turn the page (the tip out) from the lack, God’s Provision is seen clearly. My basket of loaves, sitting on the hillside, is large and abundantly filled, meeting every need.
Of all the passages from God’s Word, assuring us of His provision, I chose to highlight Philippians 4:19.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
On the back side of the darkness page, I added the lyrics to a song that immediately came to my mind. Being a musician, my mind thinks in song lyrics. This one, from an album I had long before the split, was on repeat often in those first months and years after, reminding me that with God’s help I would survive and make it. With Him, I’ve more than survived. I’ve healed, rebuilt, and thrived.
Do you struggle with believing for God’s provision at times? Whether that be for finances for bills, for other material needs, for health. Our lists can go on and on. But may your prayer in those times be, Lord I believe. Help my unbelief. And I pray that your meager loaves and fishes, placed in His hands, be multiplied.
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Living Coram Deo & freely whole
SDG!
~ Liberty—Life Restoration & Soul Transforming Creativity Coach
Empowering you to live a life that is Freely Whole—spirit, soul, and body—in Jesus!
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